An encouraging Christmas Trend

Christmas for middle school students has always been a discouragement to me, especially because most of the students I know come from wealthy families. It seems like they always get what they want and more for Christmas (a lot like my life in middle school), which usually leaves them more selfish and ungrateful than they were before Christmas. BUT...I am seeing a growing trend among many parents this Christmas which has been an encouragement to me. More parents are giving fewer gifts to their children. More parents are focusing on teaching their children the true spirit of this holiday...giving. I have even seen some parents giving to charities or missions in their child's name. I think it's great. I think it's exactly what Jesus would want his birthday to look like. You see, Jesus' life was all about you and me. He was born in humility, lived his life with humility, and died the most humiliating death. All for you and me. So let's teach our children that Christmas is all about Jesus and all about others. That is the true spirit of Christmas. That's why we celebrate. So when Christmas morning comes around this year...let's make it about Jesus and others...not sure how you will do that...but we are celebrating the birth of Jesus, people. Jesus.

Fingertip Porn

Now that I have your attention, let me explain. Pornography has never been more accessible as it is right now. I would say that 70% of the middle school students I know have cell phones and texting capabilities. That means that any of them at any time can receive pornography via text messaging. It blows my mind to think that pornography is being passed around, even during the school day. Don't believe me? Check this out. And this. This is scary stuff, especially for parents.

So the big question is what do we do about it? Cell phones are really convenient for kids to have. I agree with this statement, but at what point does convenience need to take a backseat to safety. I am not saying that we have to start taking cell phones away completely, but I am saying that middle school students should not be entitled to any kind of privacy with these phones. It's for their own good. Most importantly, our students need to be educated about pornography and its pitfalls. There will come a day (if it hasn't happened yet) where parents will not able to protect, and students have to make their own choice about pornography. Therefore, its more important to warn and educate then just restrict.

What is most troublesome to me are the teenage girls that are sending nude pictures of themselves via text message to their friends. These girls are driving on a dead end street. So the education is for both girls and boys...and its the responsibility of parents partnering with the church. Parents, let's not bury our head in the sand about this...it's happening, and most likely your kids know all about it. Talk to them.

More information and practical action steps for parents.

What about me?

I am continually challenged by middle schoolers pushing boundaries to see how far they can go. This is a common trait that we like to say is "typical" of middle school children. As I thought about it, I was convicted to think about my own life and what boundaries I like to push. They are different boundaries then the middle schoolers, but boundaries none the less. We all like to push boundaries in some way or another. I think if we as adults were better at showing middle schoolers the right way to live and stopped telling them the right way to live we would have a mucher higher success rate. I am tired of saying "do as I say, and not as I do", with my actions. No, I never really say that verbally, but I fear we send this message on a regular basis. I will give you a small example. I regularly engage in conversations about appropriate music with my students. Did you know that as a parent, if it is on your ipod, they think that means it must be appropriate for them to listen to. That is the rational I often hear, "Its on my dad's ipod!" Ouch, that it difficult for me to hear, because anything I say from there on out does not matter to that student, dad has already "endorsed" the music. Or even worse they might ask if it is on my ipod. Am I saying that as adults we need to live by the same standards that we hold our middle schooler to? Only if we want our middle schoolers to really accept that standard and make it their own.

Middle Schoolers can change the world....NOW!

Sometimes, it's obvious to me why middle school students are wild and goofy, and don't take anything seriously. Could it be that no one takes them seriously enough? It seems like all the adults in their lives are telling them everything they are doing wrong, everything they are not doing, exposing their immaturity, and more. But are they being challenged? The most important thing I like to communicate to middle school students is the truth that they don't have to wait until they grow up to make a difference for Christ. They can impact their world for Christ NOW! Take a look at Scripture. David was just a boy (probably middle school age) when he killed Goliath. Mary was just a young teenager when she gave birth to the Savior of the world. There are several other examples of young men and women whom God used at a surprisingly young age.

The other day, I had a conversation with an 8th grade boy named Evan. At our fall retreat, he heard the speaker challenge students to think of a person who might be the hardest to love, and try to show them the love of Christ. Evan shared with me that immediately someone came to mind in his life. I asked him who it was. He said it's a boy at my school who is ""flamboyantly gay". Evan asked, "what do I do?" I loved the conversation. Evan was compelled by Jesus to show Christ to the hardest kid in school to love. See, middle school students are really getting it. They are ready to make a difference in their middle school world. Tell them they can change the world...they might surprise you.

Processing the Gospel

I had the privilege this past week to pray with 2 middle school students to receive Christ as Savior. There is no greater joy of mine! I love to watch students process the whole thing. Middle school students are at the age, where the gospel no longer seems as simple as it used to be in Sunday School. They begin to ask the tough questions. One of the students that I prayed with to receive Christ spent a considerable amount of time asking questions and processing the whole idea of the gospel. I loved it because you could almost see him trying to wrap his mind around this whole idea. He had great questions. Then, when he got it, you could see it in his eyes. He said, "Ok, I'm ready!" It was great!

That night was the culmination of a series we are doing on the whole redemption story. We found it effective to tell God's whole story found in the Bible and show them that the story is about them. In our series, we walked through the Bible in 6 weeks. We talked about Creation, the Fall, Sin, the Law, the cycle of sin in Judges, and then redemption through Christ. We allowed students to process the gospel by looking at the whole story. I have realized that I don't allow students the chance to process the gospel enough. It needs to happen more. It has to be their decision. It has to come alive to them. It has to be their story. Allow them to see how God created us. Allow them to see their own sin and their own need for help. Allow them to grasp the love of Christ. Allow them to see that the Bible is not a history book, but it's a love story...it's God's story for their lives.

Moving the Herd

If there is one thing true of middle school it is that most of them operate with a "herd "mentality. That is to say that there is very little they are willing to do or say as individuals, but rather are easily swayed by the students around them, or the "herd". You can see this play itself out in all sorts of ways, whether it be in the way they dress, behave, and even talk. Being effected by the herd has often been referred to as peer pressure. Peer pressure should never be underestimated at this age, it is a very powerful weapon that is used by the enemy to cause these students to stumble. I have watched and even had students say to me that they want to break this cycle but are not sure how, and find it nearly impossible. If this is true, and I believe it is, what can we do about it. I think we can use this "herd mentality" to our advantage, If peer pressure can be a force for negative behavior then why can't we use it as a force for positive behavior. Don't get me wrong there is value in breaking the chain of letting others influence your actions, but at this age there are very few that can or are even willing to try to break it. Can we give students the opportunities and help them recognize that just like they can join with those making bad decisions that there is an equal opportunity to join with those that make good ones. No middle School student wants to stand alone, and we need to stop asking them to. Why is it that they can make bad decisions as a group but we ask them to make good ones alone? There are some kids making good decisions and the more that join with them the easier it will be to join for others. I am is no way claiming that this is the solution to all the problems they are facing, but I have seen examples where when a small group of students have their hearts changed by God and it can become very contagious and others students are attracted to it like magnets. This is peer pressure at its finest, and the result is one that can be very positive for middle school students.

The problem of pornography

While most of us go about our day doing whatever it is we do, there are people looking at pornography every second. I recently did a survey with 75 middle school boys and found out some interesting things regarding pornography. 90% of those boys said that they have seen some kind of pornography, even if it was accidentally. The majority of those said that they first viewed it in their own home. Also, a good handful of them have viewed it on a hand held device (phone, pda, psp) which also means they may have seen it at school. It's not a matter of if they are going to see it and be tempted by it, but it is a matter of when. Since pornography is running rampant through our society with our kids as the target audience, we need to talk. When was the last time someone said the word pornography in your home? When was the last time you talked about its dangers with your kids? If 47% of all internet users have viewed pornography, it's time to talk. Yes it's ugly, yes, it's nasty, but yes, it's everywhere! We can't just deny that it's there or that it's a problem. We have to face it head on! If your son is in 6th grade or older, chances are they have seen it, even if it is against their will. It's that big! For more on this issue, what to do, or how to start the conversation, go to www.xxxchurch.com

It only takes one...

This weekend we took some students from my class to downtown Cleveland to feed the homeless at a few different shelters. I think it was a very important opportunity for students to experience others who are less fortunate then they are and give them some perspective on what "real life" can sometimes be like in contrast to the "unreal life" most of them live. At each shelter there was an opportunity for everyone to get in a circle and share a praise to God. Mostly the students just watched as homeless people praised God for faithfulness and love and many other things, but then it happened, the highlight of my night, one 13 year old girl spoke up in a group of mostly homeless men and shared a scripture from Psalms that God had laid on her heart, and I watched as hearts around the circle melted including mine. What was better? That she, at 13, followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and spoke out boldly in an awkward group or that the Word of God spouted from her like a fountain so much so that I felt a small drip coming from my own eyes. I could not have been more proud of her at that moment. That is why I do what I do...It only takes one to make it all seem worth while.

Recommended Reading

A must read for parents of middle school students or any teen for that matter is a book called "Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture." This book is key in understanding today's youth culture, what they are seeing, what they are hearing, and what culture is throwing at them. The impact of media on today's teens in stronger than ever before and we need to know what is being communicated to them. Walt Mueller is also the founder of The Center of Parent/Youth Understanding, which seeks to provide parents and youth leaders/teachers with a biblical perspective on today's youth culture.

No Personal Censorship....

The longer I am with Middle Schoolers the more I realize they have no concept of personal censorship. They think very little of how anything now might effect the future, or of what consequences might come of their actions or words before they "release them to the public". This has revealed itself to me in a couple ways. First, with the use of email and text messages, they have no concept that what they put down in print could ever come back to haunt them in anyway. They will say brutally honest or dishonest things using this method because they do not have to face any immediate consequences or face to face feedback and that is all they consider at the time. Secondly in just plain conversation they seem to not be able to control the problem of discernment in their own speech, even with adults, about inappropriate things better left unsaid. Are these two things unrelated... I am starting to believe that one is the result of the other. Are our students losing to ability to socially interact correctly with others in the world of text and email? Something to think about....

No more Mr. Nice Guy

I have come to a shocking reality in recent days that may seem like a no brainer to most. There are some days when my students will hate me, and I am OK with that. To be honest it is a daily struggle for me, no one enjoys not being liked, and I work very hard to maintain the respect of my students, but I have come to the reality that sometimes I am doing what is best for the students in the long run when they hate me the most. The funny thing is in Middle School no feelings last very long, good or bad, so the hatred is usually short lived.

The most recent thing I am hated for is communicating to parents to be more involved in the students technical lives (computers, ipods, video games etc...). For the students that means an invasion of their privacy that is long over due in some cases. I have no problem being hated for this reason because I have seen first hand the devastation that can be caused by letting this go unmonitored. This problem is worth every ounce of hatred that is tossed my way if it protects even one student from starting down this slippery path. I know that sounds a bit extreme but I truly mean it in this case. Parents need to get involved and be proactive or they are not going to like what the students are involved in and will have to be reactive eventually. It is not a matter of "if" it is a matter of "when"!